Tangihanga | Funerals

When a loved one passes, whaanau from across the motu come together at the marae to grieve, pay their respects and support the whaanau pani.

There are many customs relating to tangi, but the principles of providing a place for the bereaved to grieve, a process to help move through that grief and the eventual return to life without our loved ones are the essential elements. At Kai-a-te-mata these customs have evolved with our people and this is a brief account of those practices.

If the whaanau pani bring the deceased (tuupaapaku) home to the marae or urupaa, they should notify the marae committee so the haukaainga can make the necessary preparations.

The whaanau pani should appoint a contact person to communicate with the marae on their behalf and designate someone to manage koha for them.

After the marae and whaanau pani have finalised arrangements, preparations will be made prior to their arrival, and a tangihanga paanui should be distributed to the wider whaanau. The marae will provide the first meal (typically dinner) so the whaanau can rest and settle in.

The family are welcomed onto the marae with their loved one, as per the poowhiri process. Our custom is the body [tuupaapaku] lays at the middle along the back wall. Prior to the arrival of the tuupaapaku, photos are organised based on the whakapapa of that person. This is done in discussion and helps remind the wider whaanau, kaikaranga and kaikoorero about the connections of the individual and their whaanau to the marae. At larger tangi, the body might lay in the mahau (porch) of the whare, during the day and then is returned inside for the evening.

The whaanau pani (immediate relatives of the deceased) take the space around the casket and are concentrated on the mattresses on the right side when looking into the whare. The whaanau pani are expected to ensure the tuupaapaku is always accompanied and during poowhiri they should be present to meet those who have come to pay their respects. Those seated on the left are kawe mate, that is, other Ngaati Hauaa who have lost whaanau in recent months. This is an old custom where a representative from a bereaved family carries their loved one to each tangi within Ngaati Hauaa for a year. The logic for this is to support the ‘chief mourner’ work through their grief amongst whaanau and their ability to share their recent loss with another whaanau.

• females in the whare must wear the ‘blacks’ skirts and clothing.
• men sitting on the paepae should be presentable, particularly if they are speaking.
• A practice in recent decades was to have the photo of Te Hiamoe Hotene (nee Hamuera, Ngaati Koata), placed at the foot of the coffin to represent the karanga which brings whaanau onto the marae. Te Hiamoe was the wife of Tuawhenua Hotene, she was said to have lived to be 100 years old and her long presence and service at Kai-a-te-mata as kaikaranga and her many descendants are probably the reasons for her being given prominence of place during tangi.
• the whaanau pani will have a male representative on the paepae (e.g. the father, brother, son), they are not allowed to speak, but are the face of the grieving whaanau on the paepae.
• ideally, the wider whaanau is responsible for the preparation and running of the tangi allowing the immediate whaanau pani to grieve, therefore the whaanau pani are relieved from any responsibilities to karanga, whaikoorero, lead karakia etc. Whaanau pani have their opportunity to speak, sing, share their thoughts, on the poo whakangahau (the night before the burial). After the burial the whaanau pani, are welcomed back into the whare and are now free to speak and often express their thanks for the support they have received from the wider whaanau at the hakari and ‘shout’ to show their appreciation for the workers after the final clean up.
• It has been our practice that the elderly, infirm or members of the whaanau pani are served meals inside the tupuna whare during tangi. Tables and chairs are bought in and the meal is eaten in the centre of the whare. This is a very different practice to most other marae who don’t allow food into their whare, especially with a tuupaapaku present. This practice may change with the attached whare waananga having a small kitchen for the use of whaanau. It was not the practice of our tuupuna to have water outside the tupuna whare during tangi for people to symbolically ‘cleanse’ themselves from the tapu inside the whare. However this is changing because of the prevalence of this tikanga amongst other iwi. At a Waananga of whaanau in 2020, Robyn Roa explained the kai hakari was part of the whakanoa (removal of tapu) process called “Huritakapau”, and this was why our tuupuna didn’t have water outside the tupuna whare during tangi.
• The marae opens for formal poowhiri to visitors after the raising of the flag and karakia at 7am. It closes to poowhiri at 7pm with karakia. Whaanau should try to get to the marae within those hours, but on odd occasions when they cannot, manaakitanga is the rule and people are understanding. Although the hosts can feel discomfort as the responsibility to be the voice, hands, feet etc. of the tuupaapaku and the whaanau pani, when they don’t acknowledge and feed their visitors, particularly in this solemn occasion.
• when the koorero is finished, the manuwhiri are invited to go directly to the ‘kaupapa’, meaning to the whaanau pani first, to hongi and then the wider whaanau ending again at the paepae.
• Women will wear ‘parekawakawa’ as a symbol of grieving for the death. It is worn by the visiting and the hosting women. The visitors will leave the pare at the foot of the casket as they pass by the tuupaapaku. These are buried with the tuupaapaku.
• After the huritakapau, the whaanau return to the home of the deceased relative and the ‘takahi whare’ ceremony takes place. This is a physical symbol of the removal of tapu and its restrictions in the house and the return to noa making the home available for the purposes of living. Karakia, waiata, food, laughter and tears are shared as part of this time to help comfort the whaanau, in their own home, as they continue to live on without their loved one.
• The Hour. A year later on the hour of the death of a whaanau’s loved one, the hour service takes place. This acknowledges the one year anniversary of their passing and unveils the photo that will be returned to the tupuna whare. This is also the reason why we do not use a photo of our lost relative at the tangi as other tribes do. We unveil the photo during the Hour ceremony.